


You Shouldn't Worry About What They Say

by ThatOneKinkyBitch



Category: (kinda) - Fandom, GOT7, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Because Shownu's relationship with them from the beginning is so fucking cute, Changkyun is human dammit, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, His hyungs love him, M/M, Minor Got7 appearance, Multi, My ahgase/monbebe heart was singing, Pet Names, Polyamory, Self Confidence Issues, That shit hurts to watch, True Love, mentions of No.Mercy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:05:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneKinkyBitch/pseuds/ThatOneKinkyBitch
Summary: Lim Changkyun, by any and all means, is a very lovable man. His parents think so, his fans think so, and his hyungs make a point to let him know everyday. And he appreciates it more than they'll ever know.What they don't know, though, is that sometimes words can only do so much to fend off the dark thoughts gnawing at his mind.





	You Shouldn't Worry About What They Say

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way a reflection of how Starship Entertainment or their management team function; I'm just a sucker for angst.

Lim Changkyun, by any and all means, was a very lovable man. His parents thought so, his fans thought so, and his hyungs made a point to let him know everyday. And he appreciated it more than they'll ever know. 

What they don't know, though, is that sometimes words could only do so much to fend off the dark thoughts gnawing at his mind. 

Some nights, he'd dream of the night he walked in on the remaining contestants having dinner, and how their eyes were had filled with genuine distaste and contempt. He'd always wake with the feeling that his stomach was filled to the brim with rocks and his heart in his throat. Other nights he'd dream that it wasn't his name that was called, and that they would have all clapped and maybe even  _cheered_ when Gunhee got called down. And then there were the nights when he conjured up the image of the six men discussing how to tell Changkyun that they don't actually enjoy his company.

None of it was true, of course, and a part of Changkyun would always know that, but sometimes he couldn't stop the thoughts that made him feel small and unwanted. 

"Puppy, you ready?" Changkyun jolted, whipping his head around to see Hoseok standing there--and he looked  _way_ too good in his black tank top and arms crossed and good  _lord,_ just kill him now. The younger opted for a nod and a small smile as he joined Hoseok in the doorway. He felt the elder's eyes on him, filled with concern, and it seemed that Changkyun couldn't go five minutes without inconveniencing one or more of his hyungs.

Hoseok didn't voice his concerns, thank god, but Jooheon was unabashed in asking about the maknae's well being.

"D'you get enough sleep, 'Kyunie?" he asked, and he was so soft and caring in how he asks it that Changkyun just sort of wanted to let out all his worries to him. But Jooheon didn't deserve that, so the younger simply said:

"Less than I would've liked, but I'm good; I promise."

"Come on, guys, we're gonna be late!" Kihyun's voice carried all the way form the front hallway, irritated and frustrated as ever when they're late, so Changkyun ran to where the vocalist was. "Jesus, I didn't sign up to be the mother of tardy bastards." Hyunwoo placed a comforting kiss on the top of Kihyun's head--and the latter would never admit it, but he  _loved that_ \--as Minhyuk waltzed in, not bothered by Kihyun's demeanour.

Hyungwon came jogging, hair tousled and lips bitten red with Hoseok in tow-- _Oh_. 

"You horny bastards couldn't go  _two minutes_ without pouncing each other? Seriously? We have a meeting in  _an hour_ \--!" Hyunwoo stopped Kihyun's ranting before it could go any further as he wrapped his arms around the younger's waist.

"Kihyun-ah," he started fondly, "you yell anymore, not only are you going to wake up the neighbours, you'll get grey hairs." Kihyun huffed, but he most definitely leaned back into Hyunwoo's muscled chest with a calm expression.

They eventually got moving when their manager came pounding on their door, Jooheon clinging to the maknae like a koala with his sleepy eyes and dopey smiles. They were walking down to the parking lot by the stairs, opting to not fit eight men in a small elevator, and having Jooheon dangle off of him left Changkyun...  _happy_? 

"You weren't sleeping great last night." Changkyun jumped a little--making Jooheon whine at the sudden movement--at Kihyun's sudden comment, and understands that what he  _really_ means is:  _are you okay?_

"I'm good, hyung, just a lot on my mind."

"You're an idol, you need your sleep."  _You wanna talk about it?_

"I know, I'm sorry; I'll try and get more sleep tonight." Kihyun eyed him for a second before walking over to Minhyuk--who greeted him loudly--before Jooheon spoke up.

"We're worried about you, ya know," he whispered. "You've been acting... strange. Like you did back in the day;  _distant_." Changkyun tried his best to not tense up at the accusation, but only with minimal success, so he passes it off of a shiver from the cold.

Jooheon didn't call him out on it, even though they had barely gotten out of the building.

"Don't worry about it, hyung, I'm just doing my best for the songs on the album." The elder wanted  _so bad_ to stop him right there and demand he tell him what's wrong, but they'd already fallen too far behind and their manager was calling them to hurry up.

"Coming!" Changkyun shouted, running towards the rest of the group. Jooheon made a note to ask again later.

The maknae asked to be sat up at the front, where he could curl in on himself and pass it off as sleeping and not letting tears slip from his eyes. He knew what he was doing is unhealthy, letting his mind spiral deeper and deeper into the thoughts that made his pre-debut days absolute  _hell_ , but he can't help it. It was scary how familiar it felt, not only thinking those awful things of himself but sometimes even going so far as to read comments online. There are nights when he'll completely forfeit sleep to read nasty comments about how #Gun is so much better than I.M or how maybe a six-man group would've been better for everybody.

If their manager noticed the tears streaking his face, there's nothing said about it.

Changkyun went to be bathroom to clean himself up before anyone could see his tear-stained cheeks. When he looked in the mirror, all he saw was a bastard that wasn't special in anyway, and,  _really, if you left, who would miss you?_ Jooheon raps, and it isn't like Changkyun was a visual or a vocal, so nothing else mattered. They were more than fine without him before, that shouldn't have changed then. Maybe he should've taken his old group's disbandment as a sign; he wasn't  _meant_ for this, didn't deserve it in the slightest--

"Pup?" Minhyuk's voice put a pause to the thoughts eating away at his mind and his gut. His eyes refocused on his reflection as Minhyuk walked into the washroom, and  _fuck, he looked so worried_. "Pup, what happened? Why are you crying?" Changkyun smiled weakly at his hyung, shaking his head.

"I'm fine, just stubbed my toe really badly; didn't want hyungs to see me cry."

Lee Minhyuk, contrary to popular belief, knows when to speak, and when to shut up.

"Ah, my poor puppy! I'm so sorry!" he brings the maknae into his arms, nuzzling happily into Changkyun's fluffy hair. "I'm sure Hoseok-hyung or Hyunwoo-hyung will be happy to carry you around until your toe feels better." Changkyun didn't voice how he didn't want to be more of a burden than he already was, and he didn't think he ever would. Minhyuk took his hand, leading him to the board room where they'd meet with producers and the CEO to discuss their up-and-coming fame internationally. 

The first fifteen minutes went over his head, talk of budget and time spent here and there firing between the manager and Sidae until the focus turned to Changkyun.

"I.M," he called, looking towards the rapper, "have you actually written anything new?" Changkyun felt himself tense up as confusion built in his stomach.

"Of course, I'm writing almost everyday, and Jooheon-hyung even--"

"Then show me." Changkyun looked to his hyungs, completely lost, and he was touched at how irritated they looked for him.

"Sidae-ssi--" The CEO help up a hand to silence Hyunwoo.

"He said he was writing lyrics everyday; I want to see them." The rapper's nerves were tingling and his stomach was dropping father down than he thought possible. The back of his eyes stung with tears that he refused to let loose because he would  _not_ cry in front of his bosses and hyungs.

"I-I don't have it he-here..." he muttered. He jumped almost a foot in the air when a hand came down on the table, across from him.

"You don't your lyric notebook with you!? What do I pay you for, huh!?" Changkyun shrunk back in his seat a little, looking down at his hands that were wringing together in his lap.

Hoseok was clearly holding himself back from an outburst, which everyone was thankful for because an outburst was the last thing this meeting needed, but  _no one_ talked to their puppy like that.

"I didn't think I'd need it at the meeting--"

"I don't pay you to  _think_ , I pay you to write songs. God, #Gun wouldn't have given me these problems."

And that, friends, was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Every thought, every comment and every tear from the past three years came back to haunt him as he realized that he really didn't have a place here. He was an accessory; there, but not needed--never fucking  _needed_. Jooheon has enough skill for the  _both of them_ , and he can  _sing_ , the beautiful, talented bastard.

So, for the opportunity to suffer alone--just as he deserved,  _obviously_ \--he ran out of the room. Ran out of the building and onto the street where the cold wind cut across his cheeks and turned his ears red. His tears flew off his face as he ran blindly, trying his best to avoid people with his blurry vision and navy sky. He eventually found himself in an alleyway--god, Kihyun would  _kill him_ if he knew how unsafe he was being--but in the end, didn't he deserve it? Whatever would come his way? Everybody else seemed to  _fucking think so_.

But his hyungs had never let it show... maybe because they  _didn't_ hate him...? But no, that's silly; he took the spot of their friend, and no amount of time forced together or welcoming smiles could change that. 

He had to hand it to them, though, they were good actors.

o.O.o

Changkyun didn't know how long he's been there, but it's not dark anymore when Kihyun is shaking him awake.

"Oh thank fuck, he's alive." He thought it was Hyungwon that spoke, but he wasn't able to focus on that when his back was killing him from falling asleep in that weird position. He winced as he registered the brick digging into his back, and he looked up at his six hyungs.

"My god, pup, you had us so worried," Minhyuk's voice softly filtered into his ear, as well as his hand running through the locks on Changkyun's head.

"Seems like tha's all 'm good for..." he muttered, trying to hide himself from his hyungs.

Jooheon walked forward and knelt in front of Changkyun, trying his best to get the other rapper to look him in the eyes. "'Kyun, please, don't listen to what Sidae-ssi said; he's  _wrong_ ," he assured, but his words fell onto deaf ears.

"Is he though? I'm a rapper, so is Jooheon; I'm attractive, so are the rest of you; I was there for three episodes of--"

"Stop it." Changkyun looked up, and through bleary eyes, makes eye contact with Kihyun. "Those days are  _behind us_."

"You didn't want me there..."

"Of course not, pup," Hoseok started, "but you have to remember, we were  _hurt_ because we lost a friend, but I don't think you realized what we gained. He's a calm, though secretly childish--don't give me that look, you know it's true--idol with rapping skills of a legend, looks of a god, and a heart of gold that no one deserves a piece of. You wanna know what his name is?" Changkyun looked away from the dancer with a flush on his cheeks. "His name is Lim Changkyun, and he has six hyungs who will always love him no matter what."

Hyunwoo cleared his throat after a moment of Changkyun blushing into his hands. "We shouldn't go back to our dorms for a while..." The maknae shrunk back against the wall as their CEO's words rang through his head. Hyunwoo pulls out his phone and dials a number before holding the phone to his ear. "Jaebum-ah?... Yeah, how are you?... I'm really sorry to ask this, but Changkyun-ah had a pretty rough running in with our CEO, and we aren't comfortable bringing him back to the dorms quite yet; could we bring him over to the Got7 dorm? Just until we figure out how to deal with this?... The café we always hang out at... Yes, please, thank you; we owe you one." Changkyun could hear a chuckle from Jaebum on his side of the line before the call disconnected. 

"He letting us stay there?" Kihyun murmured as he continued to stroke Changkyun's hair out of his face. All of his hyungs, apart from Hyunwoo, were touching him or petting him in some way, and it was doing such a good job of driving the demons away that Changkyun felt that familiar warmth swell in his chest.

"They're out of the dorms now, but they're sending Jackson and Mark over with the keys and some groceries for us." And there goes that gnawing feeling again.

"Crap, they're doing that for me? I'm sorry, fuck-- _fuck_ , all fucking  _do_ is fuck  _up_ \--" Hyunwoo brought his maknae to his chest, doing his best to calm him down with strokes to his back and coos in his ear.

"Love, please, nothing here is your fault--"

"It  _is_!" Kihyun swears someone is going to find them and they're going to have to pay  _so much money_ to get them to shut up. "Everything wrong with this group is my fault--"

"Wait, what's wrong with Monsta X?" Changkyun thrashed a little, providing space between him and his hyungs.

"Fuckin' hell, nothing!" He knew he was cursing too much, being too  _bad_ to his hyungs, but goddammit, he just wanted to disappear for good; wanted to know that his hyungs wouldn't be burdened by him anymore. "Nothin's wrong, and 'm just a  _burden_ to you guys, 'nd you don't  _need me around_ \--"

"Lim Changkyun that is the most concentrated level of bullshit I've ever heard in one sentence." All heads turned to Hyungwon as he spoke, and his words were oddly enunciated considering how sleepy he had been that morning.

Kihyun reached over and smacked the visual over the head. "Oi! Be gentle with him!"

"We've  _tried that_ , hyung. But our baby is still feeling down and I don't know what else to do--" Hyungwon stopped talking in favour of listening to familiar voices coming from around the corner.

"Where the hell are they?"

"Jaebum-ah said they were here--"

"I'm noticing a  _distinct_ lack of Monsta X, Mark--"

"You wanna call Jaebum-ah and ask him?"

"...No--"

 

Changkyun barely registered Hyunwoo walking off to talk to the Got7 rappers before he was falling back asleep, guilt and sorrow settling deep in his heart.

o.O.o

When Changkyun woke up again, he was in a bed that smelled like none of his hyungs, which set him off a little. He shifted a little, only for muscular arms to wrap tighter around him.

"Don't worry, pup, you're safe. Kihyun-ah and Hyunwoo-hyung are making you brunch as we speak." Changkyun whined and squirmed to be able to finally face Hoseok, who greeted him with such a sweet smile that the rapper felt himself  _melt_.

"'M sorry, hyung..." 

Hoseok didn't coo and tell him he shouldn't be sorry, as Changkyun had anticipated, but he asked a question that the maknae knew he needed to hear: "Why?"

"Why...?" 

The vocalist smiled serenely at him. "Why are you sorry?"

Changkyun wanted to hide, because knew that if he answered the question, he wouldn't be able to stop every emotion that had built up over the years from spilling out and bringing a painful amount of tears with them. But he also knew that his hyungs had been kept in the dark long enough, and that they deserved to know why they had to find their maknae sitting on an alley floor.

"Are hyungs almost done with breakfast? I wanna tell you all at the same time..." The smile Hoseok rewarded him with made every fear building up in his gut worth it.

"Ah, my puppy is so  _brave_. Thank you, 'Kyun." Changkyun made a point to hide his shy smile from his hyung.

Kihyun eventually came into the room to let them both know that breakfast was ready, and when Hoseok started to get up off the bed was when the maknae started to panic again. The vocalist leaned back down to press a kiss to his forehead in an attempt to calm him down.

"It'll be okay, Changkyun-ah. We love you with all our hearts." And with that, Hoseok left the room, allowing Changkyun to take a moment and collect his thoughts. He'll be fine. He's got this. They loved him. _It'll be fine._

He repeated it in his head as he headed out of his room, steeling himself for the concerned looks of the members. He rounded the corner into the living room, sitting down on the floor in front of his hyungs.

"'Kyunnie, you can sit with us on the couch--"

Changkyun gives Jooheon a look to cut him off. "I can see you all equally well from down here." He gets a strange look from some of them--read: Kihyun and Hyungwon--but he continues on with his determined mindset. "So, as some of you know, I've been acting a little strange lately." There were a few nods and hums, so Changkyun continued. "I, uh... well as today showed I'm not confident in my position here all the time, and sometimes I'll even go online and read the comments that say it--"

"'Kyun--"

"Please let me finish, hyung," Changkyun asked softly as he locked eyes with Jooheon. The other rapper seemed conflicted, but shifted and stayed silence nonetheless. "And I'll have nightmares about things like that and it's never  _nice_ and my mood for the rest of the day is  _ruined_ , but... telling you guys never seemed like an option until now. And I don't  _like_ feeling this way, but there some days when it just feels like the only option, like... like I don't deserve any of you..." He went quiet after that, looking down at his feet like there weren't six pairs of concerned eyes trained on him. 

Someone got up, the maknae didn't have the courage to check who, but when there were long, lanky arms wrapping around his torso and a sharp jaw resting on his shoulder, he knew it was Hyungwon.

"Changkyun-ah," Minhyuk called softly as he shifted to kneel in front of Changkyun, "you can  _always_ tell any of us when you feel down. I'm not going to tell you you can't and shouldn't feel down, because you're human, but do and try to come talk to us before you let yourself get consumed by your thoughts, hm?" Changkyun felt tears well up in his eyes, because his hyungs were so  _understanding_ and  _loving_ and he still didn't understand what he had done to have a place in their hearts.

"And yeah, maybe it could've gone another way," Kihyun continued, "maybe anyone of us could've been left behind, or maybe it could've been an eight-member group, but pup, we're hear now, and we're slowly making our dreams come true, with  _all seven of us_. You matter to us just as much as anyone else and there is not a thing that could change that." Okay, so Changkyun was fully sobbing at this point, but it wasn't with sorrow like he had planned; it was with the overwhelming love that was coming from each man in the room and it made his heart feel like it was on fire and trying to explode with the effort to let his hyungs know how much they meant to him.

"Can.. can hyungs sleep with me tonight? All of you?" 

There was a fond scoff behind him and a 'seven men on one mattress,  _right_ ' from Hyungwon, but he still joined the rest of the group to arrange the beds-- _two of them_ , as Kihyun pointed out with smirk--and Changkyun squealed when Hoseok picked him up bridal style. He was set in the middle of the bed, with Jooheon to his left, Minhyuk on his right, Hyungwon between his legs and using the maknae as his personal pillow, Kihyun above him--and Hyunwoo spooning _him_ \--and petting his hair with such gentle strokes it made Changkyun  _melt_ , with both Hyungwon and Hoseok on the edges, but there were at least seven different people keeping contact with him.

 

Yes, there were days when Changkyun found it difficult to face his hyungs and most  _certainly_ the press and fans, but with a gentle smile and kiss to the top of his head from any of them, it made everything so much easier to bear. His hyungs loved him, and slowly, day by day, Changkyun started to know it in his heart.


End file.
